On being a quiet seeking church lady
One of the advantages of being the age I am is that I can come and go as I please. I don’t need a sitter or to pile kids into a car and buckle them up to get anywhere. In that respect, I am as free as a bird. For many years that was not the case. Even the smallest errand required planning on the scope of the Normandy invasion to get everyone dressed, brushed, shoed, and buckled. All for something that might only take ten minutes. Weirdly I miss those days, exhausted as I always (and I mean ALWAYS) was. Those years were precious had I but known it then.
Anyway.
One place I did get to on my own was six-thirty am Mass every Friday. I had heard through the grapevine that the ladies of the Altar Society were looking for someone to help them dust the church and collect linens to wash and iron after the six-thirty Mass. At the time, my husband was generally catching a seven-thirty train, and since we live less than five minutes from church this fit into the schedule. Barely.
When I started in this ministry the lady who ran it, Rose, told me they wanted someone young to help them. I laughingly informed her that at forty-three I could hardly be called young. She informed me she was eighty-two and the other ladies were her age (there were two more) and they needed someone to know what to do in case they all died within weeks of each other. Macabre but, in a way, a very Catholic way to think, memento mori and all that.
Rose eventually moved down south to be near her children, she was getting quite frail. Ann passed away a few years ago and Mary is just returning from a long illness but isn’t yet quite up to climbing the steps of the sanctuary to polish the Tabernacle. It’s become a one-woman show. I’m not complaining, I love it, and now that I lector on Mondays and Tuesdays I manage to get to Mass most days. That being said it isn’t always easy to just pray on my own and lately, I have been in a prayer slump.
Has this ever happened to you? Not only neglecting the prayers but when praying feeling like it’s not working, there is nothing to say, what’s the point…..
It does not rise to the level of a “dark night of the soul” but it’s still frustrating.
It has been no secret among my friend group that I have been searching for a solid Catholic women’s retreat for a few years. The ones I have found have either been too far away to be financially feasible or took place when I had another unbreakable commitment. This summer I believe I’ve hit pay dirt; I’ll post the info below if you are interested. The idea of settling somewhere away from the distractions of home for a few days of silent contemplation, confession, Mass, and whatever else is offered is so appealing. I’ve been so distracted lately by the noise of my life. Good noise, necessary noise but it is beginning to wear me down, so I think a little silence is in order.
This morning when I turned on the car the radio startled me. My husband is one of those people who always has music going on in the background. In his office, in the car, when he’s doing yard work everywhere. It’s funny how some people need that background stimulation and others (like me) feel psychotic when there is a lot of background noise. Even white noise bothers me. This might be a sign of aging, although he is older than I am (nine months) and it doesn’t seem to bother him.
Are you a noise in the background person? Do you find it stimulating or rage-inducing?
If you are in the area and want to join us for this retreat the information is below. Unfortunately there is no link to send you to, I just printed the form, filled it in, took a photo and emailed it to the lady running the retreat.
Did you read the beautiful letter that former First Lady Melania Trump wrote after the assassination attempt upon her husband? She beautifully articulates something we should already know, that politicians are human beings. They are loved by their families and are multi-faceted people whose public persona stands on top of many layers. Layers that lead them to believe certain things and to want to serve their country. Agree or disagree, we are all made in the image and likeness of God.
It’s worth a read.
Prayer slump. I get it. I feel so seen!
Great post. I especially liked and resonated with the insight that those days of struggle were truly the "good old days," but that it's hard to see that while living them. I hadn't seen the letter from Melania, so thank you for linking that. Please keep writing!